generations

generations will reap what i sow; i can pass on a curse or a blessing, to those i will never know

most days, i navigate through decisions, interactions, and mundane tasks without much thought.  rarely does the impact i have on those i know and those i will never know cross my mind.  but on a day like this, i am thinking about generations.

my family, like yours, is dysfunctional.  we are all a mixture of quirky uncles, cranky aunts, over-protective mothers, and uptight fathers.  my family in particular seems to go out of their way to avoid one another.  sure, they get together for meals (sometimes) and go to the grandkids' sporting events, but the interactions are often surface level.

now, this may sound cold.  some of my family members have spent weeks together helping care for one another, months by an ill spouse's hospital bed.  they have shown me what dedication and steadfastness look like.

but in those mundane tasks and interactions or even in the joyous Thanksgiving celebrations, they avoid one another.  they stay at home and ask me to 'not tell so and so where we were for thanksgiving'.  or, after 4 years of avoiding visiting an in-law they are not so fond of, they finally come sit 'round the table of thanks-giving.  the interactions are polite, but the tension is thick and the hurts are covered up by the candied cranberries set out on the table.

it hurts my heart to know how much effort goes into my family members' avoidance of one another.  more time is spent covering up hurts rather than talking about them.  tensions are stored away in the boxes of Christmas decorations and when the boxes are re-opened, they are quickly shut.  we are spending more time avoiding each other than we are forgiving and learning to love.

i hope and pray that the pattern of avoidance that has been passed down through generations will be ended with the efforts i put forth in accepting and loving my family members.  i also hope my efforts to stop the pattern of avoidance and asking for acceptance and love and not allowing myself to walk into situations where i am demeaned will pave the way for love and acceptance for years to come.