an open door

this morning i am

embarking

on what, i am not yet sure.

there is no big ship,

no send-off.

just me, my colorful way of seeing the world, my hurts, the black and white labels that have been put on me, my flowers and hearts and star confetti, my tears, my losses.

this morning i prayed a prayer from the book of common prayer. the prayer was for a major life transition. by standard terms, today is not a major life transition for me.

but, the possibilities i am opening myself up to, to let go of past hurts, to talk to some thoughtful people about them, and to be willing to let my soul be emptied for the sake of Forgiveness/Acceptance/Mercy/Love to overflow it, those are major life transitions, i suppose.

i want to have love for those who've hurt me, for those who've labeled me, for those who have and will probably always see the glass half-empty. i won't let them "rain on my parade" but i don't want to close the door on Forgiveness/Acceptance/Mercy/Love.

here is the prayer:

Lord, help me now to unclutter my life, to organize myself in the direction of simplicity. Lord, teach me to listen to my heart; teach me to welcome change, instead of fearing it. Lord, I give you these stirrings inside me. I give you my despair. I give you all the longings I hold inside. Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth; help me to listen seriously and follow where they lead through the breathtaking empty space of an open door.